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Today has been better.
A week can seem like an etenity, an eternity is hard to live through, but I've survived. I fell into another bout of depression a week ago. I got to the point where I felt utterly useless, having been just points from failing an exam, feeling I had screwed yet another one up that day, being turned away from a blood donation due to my scars and droppinging several bottles of Lemon Jiff at work. I know it all sounds so petty in hind sight, but at the time it bought an overwhelming feeling of failure, having worked so hard to achieve goals I cannot reach. I was just about ready to top myself when I got home that evening, my saving grace, as aweful as it sounds, however, was my Nan having fallen that day and my Mum being out that night, I had to look after her.
So this week, I've spent most of it dwelling, thinking and wondering. I couldn't concentrate and I've tried and failed to open my wrists on several occasions, not wanting to exist as myself anymore.
But this is not about last week. This is about today, I've turned, I'm not all clear, but I'm on the up. I could concentrate in school, so caught up on some work, I even laughed a little today. Okay, this is going to sound odd, my cutting is still as bad as it's been all week, very frequent and more severe than usual, but I feel better betterin myself.
So my point is, we all have lows, but they do end, whether it be a day, a week, sadly, sometimes, a month or two. And sometimes, feelings get muddled and we feel at a loss, but there is Always an end to them. One way or another.