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When you cut it's the strangest feeling. You are both scared of doing it, of yourself and excited, anticipating it. And afterwards, it's like all your thoughts and feelings have washed away, they are no longer suffocating you - you can breathe again, you are back in the real world, the one that everyone else inhabits. But the black hole is always there, always waiting to suck you in again. And each time you manage to pull yourself out of it, you have left another little piece of you behind, and it is that much easier to fall back in to it. It gets harder to fight. Eventually you wonder if there is actually anything left of you at all.