I just want to feel her little heart beat against mine. I want to tell her I never wanted to harm her, just to keep her close. Hold her tight.
I had my termination 3 weeks ago when I was almost 9 weeks pregnant. Cup your hands tight. That's how small she was. So small, so helpless. I killed my own baby. It fucks with my head, I just want her back. So I can rub my tummy and tell her about my day and what the world's like. Why the fuck didn't I keep her. I'd give anything for even one day with her. So I can cuddle her. To tell her I'd never hurt her. To tell her that I'll protect her. Even just to hold her in my arms and watch her sleep in my arms. I told her one day I'll meet her, and some day I will.
I miss my baby. Even though she was barely anything, barely alive. But she was alive, and I killed her. I wish I kept her so I could hug her. Please get her back. Please I'll do anything. Even for a moment. Just for a second. Just so I can see what she looks like. Just so I can see her smile at me.