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Things are appearing much better, or at least that's how it seams. At the moment it all still seems a little superficial. I'm smiling and laughing at peoples jokes, I'm keeping busy, I'm opening up more, especially to my Mum and my counsellor. I'm not self harming. (Once in two weeks if I get through tonight)
But like I said, this is all skin deep. Everytime I open my mouth, I feel myself flush with embaressement, my laughs don't hit the core, I'm still iscolated, although I tell myself it doesn't bother me, I'm up all night so I don't slip up, I'm losing track of school work and I'm confused about the person I was, I am and what I want to be. I don't know where this period is going, whether it'll get easier or harder. I don't know how long I can keep this positve attitude up, how long it will be until I'm on top of school work.
I think I've turned back into the person I always missed. The one who could say 'I'm fine' whilst falling apart inside. Now I'm here, I'm not sure it's what I want. But I hated wearing my emotions on my sleeve.
Which person should I be?