Change? Me?
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Okay, so, I was all better...kind of, once maybe every two weeks, it was fantastics. Now I feel terrible again. I've had about 4weeks off for exams and where I would have taken every opertunity to self harm this time last year, I hadn't. I was in a much more optamistic mood, I was smiling more, glad to have the time off (where I had previously feared long stretches of nothingness), more talkative, more confident. I was ready to go back to school and tackle it with full force, reconnect with friends, co-operate in lesson talks, all that jazz. I was ready to face what has bought me down, let it bring me down no more.
It wasn't like that.
I got back to school, I was ready to talk, but I saw everyone and chickened out. Went straight to form. Now, a week in, it is much to late to try. I haven't changed one bit. Another unchanged hope? I got to family councilling and realized tht. actually, I am no more close to my Mum than I was before the last session.
Today I reverted back to old ways. i was totally withdrawn in school, I've self harmed twice in one day I've even had a few drinks since I've been home. Not good. Not good at all.
I thought I had changed.
Obviously not.
Posted by Drama88 on 11:12 - 29 Jul 2012
Well although you are finding things really hard again, look how amazing you did in those four weeks, and that proves that you are strong and that you can do it, which is definate hope that you can do it again :) Its so hard to stop self harming, I’ve been doing it for over a year and this month I went a whole week without cutting which is the longest Ive ever managed it , but then stuff happended at school, and I went straight to the toilet and cut again. I was so cross with myself that I had done well and just ruined it again, so I know some of how you are feeling. I know that you are not liking councelling atm, but maybe just give it a bit longer? I didnt like it atall to start off with, but by my sixth session, I found it starting to help, I think you have to get to know each other, which can only happen in time. Or, it could be you dont have the right counceller, and I think that it is well important that you talk to someone you feel comfortable with and stuff so ask if there is anyone else you can see? Hope that a little bit of this has helped. I know how hard it is, but I know you can get through this. x
Posted by Just a Girl on 08:39 - 30 Jul 2012
Thanks for the advise, however the counselling is not an issue any more (It took me about a year to get conferable with it, well done you for doing it in 6 sessions), I get on quite well with both my Counsellor and Family counsellor, it was more what I realized in that particular session. I actually wrote this article about 5 weeks ago and got some fantastic advice, to write down everything that has changed, it took me about a week, but I actually got about 10 items down in the end. Things are definitely looking up again, especially now that we are out of school :)
I hope you’re doing okay, congratulations on your one week clean, I hope you can do even better next time, good luck on your journey!
All the best xx
Posted by Just a Girl on 08:40 - 30 Jul 2012
(Comfortable, not conferable)