hey im mariah to be honest i havent done this before ,but im going to try it im 16 years old and i have a problem i selfharm. i started in 5th grade and my mom never found out till i turned 15 i mean it was hard i went through depresion alot and my mom never found out.my mom still dosent know what i go through everyday with the bullying and pain i have to stress out about school and all the pain i go through just at school alone. its hard to say im beautiful when in reality im not i have a very low selfesteem and looking at myself in the mirror is hard. the way i deal with this is by writing poems or songs but none are happy songs . its hard to smile when your friends already know somethings wrong i try so hard to hide the pain and regret behind thst fake smile everyday.i guess its just hard.

Comments (8)

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By: Charlie

on: 23.01.15

Thanks Mariah for being so brave and sharing on here. I’m sorry to hear you seem to have been struggling for a while. Being able to recognise you have a problem with self-harm is a great first step. I wonder whether you are accessing any support for the self-harm or depression?

School can be tough and bullying is never a nice thing to have to go through. Are you able to talk to someone at school and tell them what is going on for you? They may be able to help you and talk things through - maybe a teacher that you get on well with or if you have a school counsellor/nurse/pastoral team there, they could also be someone useful to talk to.

Low self-esteem can bring up a lot of thoughts such as the ones you have mentioned, and it is understandable that saying you’re beautiful is hard to say, but reality is everyone is beautiful and that includes you. I’m sure we all have things we’d like to change, people we wish we looked like but the reality is that everyone is beautiful in a unique way. We are all different.

It’s great that you’ve found one way of dealing with how you’re feeling. Whether they’re happy songs/poems or not, that’s alright; the fact that you have found something other than self-harming to help you through is a really positive step. I wonder if you’ve tried art whether that be drawing, painting getting creative to release those feelings, maybe doing some type of exercise or listening to music/ watching a film or TV series could help distract you when feeling the need to self-harm? Maybe you could try some of these and see what works for you.

We also offer online Alumina live groups; which give you the opportunity to explore what got you to the place of self-harm, maybe the triggers that set you off to self-harm and looking into some alternative, more positive, coping strategies that you could use when feeling the urge to self-harm. For more information or to sign up head over to alumina.selfharm.co.uk.

If you have anymore questions or just need somewhere to share feel free to comment below.

Hope this helps, take care, Charlie

The Author:
wounded sanity

on: 28.01.15

thanks charlie at least u understand . i thank you so much for all your help and i just want to thank you for it not everyone is like you i appreciate it so much -mariah

By: tamaramcguigan15

on: 19.08.15

You are beautiful and bullys are just people thats fed up with their own lifes so they make someone elses life hard and horrible but i promise it will get better if you need to talk heres my email .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

By: Courtney16

on: 21.11.15

Hey my name is Courtney I am 16. I have never ever done this before.
I though I would send you this email because I have been selfharming because I get bullied at school and I don’t tell anyone how I feel inside I just keep it all in and act like THIERS nothing wrong when their is but their is only so much I can take then I will break and that what I have done. Also my mum found a note saying bye to my family so basically I wanted to kill myself. So I was just wondering if you would give me a little bit of advice


By: beautiful_disaster01

on: 29.11.15

How did you hide it that long? Hi my name is Courtney and i am 14. I started a couple of months ago. My self harming was hard to hide. My friends noticed right away that I was hiding something. Within the last few weeks they all found out. I wouldn’t be able to of hide it that long. My parents still have no clue. Who do you talk to?

Thank you!

By: LoganJoshuaDavis

on: 30.11.15

Man, I hate bullies, And I understand how you feel about depression, if you need someone to talk to, I am here for you all the way

All the best- Logan Joshua Davis

By: AnonAlly

on: 11.04.16

Bullies are insecure within themselves therefore take it out on people they envy,or get extremely jealous by.This intimidates them as they see you prettier/smarter/better than them and decide to use that against you in the spite of jealousy! It may not seem like it at the time as i have been in this situation myself but trust me it’s all down to jealousy and the insecurness they have within them.Just remember that it’s them with issues not you so. So dont ever let someone make you feel less than you are because you are amazing and strong !

By: Hammyhog

on: 12.04.16

Hey, Mariah,

Thanks so much for having the courage to share your story. Being bullied is horrible but remember that the bullies have issues themselves - that’s why they are nasty to other people - to reinforce their own self image and delusions of power. The comment by ‘AnonAlly’ could not be more true.

I am really saddened by what you say about not wanting to look in the mirror. Love yourself, whatever you are, I bet the face in the mirror is amazing.

I posted on another story about my own self harming and that I may get a tattoo or dye my hair a crazy colour instead of cutting. Perhaps you should look in the mirror and think of something different you could do to boost your own self image - I bet you are beautiful. Your tallent for writing songs and poems show you have a deep soul and insight, I would love to see/hear some of your work.

I know its easy to say, but don’t let the bullies get you down, instead draw strength from their weekness. When I was at secondary school I was bullied and one day I said to him “I dont know why you take such pleasure in making me unhappy but I forgive you and wish you every happiness”

You know what, he never bullied me again….........