Help

We found out my daughter was self harming around 12 months ago, it turned out she was being bullied at school and this was her way of dealing with it. She has since moved schools and school life is much better however the self harm has returned, I hoped that once we had dealt with the bullying she would stop but I guess life isn't that easy. She is very angry with the world, she has recently been diagnosed with a learning disability and also a permanent hearing problem which we thought she would grow out of. I feel like this is tearing my family apart, my husband wont/cant deal with it, he thinks that taking her phone off her, grounding her, giving her "a wake up call" telling her "the damage she is doing to us" is the right way to go but I see her turmoil, frustration, sadness but I don't know what to say to make it better. My elder daughter has to walk on eggshells as the frustration is aimed at her for being "perfect, pretty, clever" we tried counselling but they told me there was no point continuing as my daughter wasn't talking. I try to talk to my daughter but she shuts down completely either walking away shouting at me to go away, leave her alone - I just don't know what to do. I feel like a complete failure and don't seem to be able to handle anything right now, the slightest little issue and i'm in bits - help!!