Angry with my daughter for self harming

Hi, We found out a week ago that our daughter is self harming she was hospitalised, discharged and is now awaiting counselling, the problem is our relationship has drastically broken down. I no longer trust her and feel so angry with her for putting herself and us as a family through this, its got so bad I cant bare to look at her as I will break down and cry at any time. Her behaviour in school is appalling and she refuses to listen at anything we say. Is it normal for me to feel this way I feel so ashamed.