Mr. Sandman

Dear Diary, 

So yet again, I’m not sleeping well… I am so fed up with this. I go to bed fine but then just lay there for hours – literally – and nothing happens. I feel so unbelievably tired all the time so why can’t I just sleep? 

I see why they use not sleeping as a form of torture in some countries – I feel like I am going mad! 

People tell me all the things I should do…

CAMHS talk about ‘sleep hygiene’! They make it sound like not sleeping is dirty!! SO – I now turn my phone on silent, I come off screens by about 9pm, I take a bath to try and relax my muscles (I feel so tense all the time so I try and concentrate on relaxing each part of my body in the bath), then I watch something mind-numbing on TV that I don’t have to think about.

My mum says I need to write down all my worries before I try and lay down, so I do that too now! It takes a while though! Lol! I guess it does help a little but sometimes it makes it a bit worse as it makes me think about stuff I’m trying all day to not think about.

My Counsellor at school says music might help so I have been listening to my headphones when I lay down. It doesn’t help me as I just end up singing along though! I’ve given up on that one…

I think the next thing is to take some herbal remedy my mum has got me from the chemist, she says it’s not a medicine as such but it has some herbs that are supposed to be known for calming you down and helping you sleep. I’m going to ask her for that in the morning I think...

I can’t keep going on like this as I feel so tired. I just can’t get up in the morning and the thought of spending the day at school when I’m this tired just makes me more worried. I know I’m really short tempered when I’m tired and then I get worried I’m just going to get snappy with my friends and teachers and end up falling out with everyone.

I guess sleep does effect every area of your life more than you realise… well, more than I ever realised anyway.

I’m going to sit here colouring until my brain finally gives in and lets me sleep now.

Good night!




Alumina is a free, online 7 week course for young people struggling with self-harm. Each course has up to 8 young people, all accessing the sessions from their own phones, tablets or laptops across the UK. The courses take place on different evenings of the week and are run by friendly, trained counsellors and volunteer youth workers. You don’t need an adult to refer you or sign you up, and no-one will see or hear you during the sessions – you’ll just join in via the chatbox. We want to help you to find your next steps towards recovery, wherever you are on your journey.

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